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April 1, 1999
CDC Announces Comprehensive Tests for US Blood Supply
By the Exaggerated Press
ATLANTA (EP) -- A spokesman for the Center for Disease Control announced today that the Federal Government would begin "comprehensive, rigorous testing of our nation's blood supply."
Currently US blood scores uniformly lower than any other blood in the developed world. On the other had, our blood still beats American high schoolers by large margins in every area except reading. "Some people don't see the point of having college-edu cated blood," said Carla Hemopopolis of the American Red Cross. "But they change their tune when they need a transfusion.
"The time is passed for dumb blood. This isn't your grandfather's world -- why settle for his blood?"
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Copyright 1999 The Yale Record
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