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April 1, 1999
Chelsea Clinton To Run For Student Body President -- of Berkeley
By the Exaggerated Press
BERKELEY, CA. (EP) -- First Daughter Chelsea Clinton has announced her candidacy for student body president of the University of California, Berkeley, even though currently she does not attend that school. Clinton, a student at Berkeley rival Stanford, w as urged to run by her mother, who herself is considering a run for Senator from New York, even though she has never lived there.
Some pundits foresee problems for Chelsea's campaign. "You have to realize that this election is really just a popularity contest," stated Arianna Huffington, "and there is no way that girl wins a popularity contest."
Chelsea herself, however, is optimistic. "Berkeley is just a bunch of promiscuous stoners," she said. "If there's one thing I know, it's promiscuous stoners."
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Copyright 1999 The Yale Record
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