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April 1, 1999
Drudge Says GOP Budget Proposal Has Slush Fund For Beer
By the Exaggerated Press
NEW YORK (EP) -- In a press release on Friday, internet muckraker Matt Drudge declared that documents leaked from the GOP's most recent budget proposal reveal a special fund for, in the document's words, "a shitload of beer, dude."
Majority Whip Tom Delay confirmed the reports, adding, "Man, we've been having to pay out of pocket forever now. It sucks, especially on top of the dues we have to pay when the House gets trashed after a big rager." Representative Bob Barr, who came to national prominence during the Impeachment trial, was similarly unabashed: "No more pony kegs of Bud or Milwaukee's Best for us! Now we can get Guinness, or at least Amstel Light."
"That's right! WOOOOOOOOO!" hollered an obviously-intoxicated Mary Bono (R-CA).
When questioned on the ethics of using tax money for alcoholic beverages, Delay replied, "Whatever, are you punks up here makin' the laws and stuff? You wanna take this outside?...I thought so.
"Next year we'll get the nitrous tank like Dole always talked about."
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Copyright 1999 The Yale Record
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