{"id":10242,"date":"2024-12-04T14:04:34","date_gmt":"2024-12-04T19:04:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/schlaff.com\/wp\/?p=10242"},"modified":"2025-01-07T07:21:29","modified_gmt":"2025-01-07T12:21:29","slug":"a-year-of-living-mindfully","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/schlaff.com\/wp\/a-year-of-living-mindfully\/","title":{"rendered":"A Year of Living Mindfully"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Life moves pretty fast. If you don\u2019t look around once in a while, you could miss it.
\u2014Ferris Bueller<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There’s so much going on. My kids are growing up so fast, and I\u2019m desperately trying to keep up with the whirlwind of changes in the world, especially with AI. Like many people, I feel this constant temptation to do more, more, more\u2014thinking that if I can just be a little more productive, I can get ahead of all of this change and find happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

In the past, I’ve looked at best practices to find happiness. I even took <\/a>Yale’s Happiness Class<\/a>, the school’s most popular class ever, online. You can too. It’s free for auditing on Coursera<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But this year, I wanted to do something different. I wanted to dig deep into one specific form of self improvement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This year, I spent the year living mindfully.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve been meditating for decades, off and on. But in the past year, I committed to a new routine: using the Headspace app for 15 minutes each morning, right after I got up. This lets me start the day with a settled head and mindfully and intentionally start the day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I wanted to take this one step further. Mindfulness lets me ground myself, but it also provides a solid foundation for growth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I found the work of Ronald Siegel, a Harvard Psychology professor, especially helpful here. His book, The Extraordinary Gift of Being Ordinary: Finding Happiness Right Where You Are<\/a>, and his course, The Science of Mindfulness: A Research-Based Path to Well-Being<\/a>, provided me with a solid roadmap for mindful growth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Living mindfully has taught me that self-improvement isn\u2019t about reaching some perfect version of myself\u2014it\u2019s an ongoing journey. It\u2019s not about \u201cfixing\u201d who I am or avoiding life\u2019s challenges. Instead, it\u2019s about embracing my flaws, approaching each moment with curiosity, and uncovering the beauty in everyday life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wanted to share 4 key things that I’ve learned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. There is a Space Between Stimulus and Response.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Something happens, and I respond\u2014that\u2019s the natural way the world works. Early psychologists like B.F. Skinner viewed behavior the same way, believing that our actions were automatic responses to external events, reflexes shaped by our environment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But then Viktor Frankl came along and flipped that idea on its head. In Man\u2019s Search for Meaning<\/a>, written after surviving the horrors of the Holocaust, he showed that even in the worst possible circumstances, people still have a choice. He put it this way: \u201cEverything can be taken from a man but one thing\u2014the last of the human freedoms\u2014to choose one\u2019s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one\u2019s own way.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the concentration camps, the Nazis treated prisoners like garbage, barely keeping them alive with rations of slop. And yet, even there, some people chose to rise above. They shared their tiny scraps of food with others, acts of kindness in the face of unimaginable cruelty. Frankl saw that no matter what happens to us, we still have the power to choose how we respond.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If dehumanized prisoners can find ways to choose their response, surely I could.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Changing My Response is Painful<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

But when I tried to capture that moment between stimulus and response, I found it far more difficult. I was able to see it sitting there but only after I’d acted. I’d say, “I really shouldn’t yell at\u2014” only to see the words come out of my mouth. That moment was incredibly hard to grasp, like trying to catch on to a wisp of smoke. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It turns out that tapping into that space takes more than willpower.  It means pushing back against old patterns\u2014patterns so ingrained they feel like part of who I am. When I try to grow, whether it\u2019s practicing patience or breaking an old habit, my brain fights back. It\u2019s as if it\u2019s saying, \u201cWhoa, hold on. Why are you doing this? This isn\u2019t who we are!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is hard. Really hard. It feels like I\u2019m trying to turn into someone I\u2019m not, like holding my breath underwater. Every part of me is screaming to come up for air. But I\u2019m starting to see this discomfort for what it really is. It\u2019s the same kind of pain I feel when I\u2019m exercising\u2014when my muscles are begging me to quit, to just stay the same. And just like with exercise, mindfulness has taught me to sit with it, to recognize it as a sign that I\u2019m growing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. See the World for What It Is<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Mindfulness has given me a way to see the world more clearly. It\u2019s so easy to get stuck in the stories we tell ourselves\u2014like assuming a coworker\u2019s curt email was meant as an insult, or spiraling into worst-case scenarios about things that haven\u2019t happened. But mindfulness helps me take a step back and see things for what they really are, not what my emotions or assumptions want me to believe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of my favorite tools for this is my Bullet Journal. At the end of each day, I jot down lessons I\u2019ve learned or patterns I\u2019ve noticed. There\u2019s something about putting pen to paper that combines mindfulness with reflection\u2014it\u2019s become this little ritual of clarity for me. It\u2019s my chance to step out of the emotional fog and reset.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Writing things down helps me untangle what actually happened from how I felt about it. Capturing both the events and my emotions gives me a clearer perspective. Once it\u2019s on paper, I can sit and reflect on it. Then I can set my intentions for the next day from a more solid place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether it\u2019s through journaling, pausing to breathe, or simply observing, I\u2019ve learned that clarity doesn\u2019t come from doing more but from slowing down. When I can see things as they are, I can respond more thoughtfully and stay grounded in the moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. Focus on other people more than yourself.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

As I dove deeper into mindfulness, one name kept coming up: the Dalai Lama, the world champion of mindfulness. He seems like one of the happiest people on earth\u2014always smiling, always patient. Despite losing his homeland when Tibet was invaded by China and spending most of his life in exile, he radiates joy. How? Compassion. As he famously says, \u201cIf you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But his compassion isn\u2019t just talk. He even refers to those who have oppressed his people as \u201cmy friend the enemy.\u201d There\u2019s a story about one of his followers, who had been imprisoned by the Chinese for decades. When asked if he had ever been afraid during his imprisonment, the follower replied, “Yes. I was afraid.” But his fear wasn’t what you’d think. His greatest fear was losing compassion for his captors. Imagine that\u2014after years of suffering, his biggest worry wasn\u2019t revenge or bitterness; it was losing the ability to feel compassion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Inspired by this, I began exploring how to practice compassion myself and discovered a meditation technique called tonglen<\/em>, or \u201cgiving and taking.\u201d The concept is simple yet profound: you breathe in the pain or suffering of others, imagine it being cleansed and transformed, and then exhale kindness, warmth, and relief back into the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At first, the idea sounded terrible. Why would I willingly take in someone else\u2019s suffering? Why would I breathe in their \u201ctoxins\u201d? But then it clicked\u2014tonglen<\/em> is the essence of selfless giving. It\u2019s about offering a part of myself to make the world just a little bit better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mindfulness has taught me that life is not a race to achieve perfection but a journey of awareness and connection. It\u2019s about recognizing the space between stimulus and response, embracing the discomfort of growth, seeing the world clearly without the distortions of assumptions, and practicing compassion that extends beyond myself. These lessons have helped me slow down, be present, and find joy in the ordinary moments that make life extraordinary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Life moves pretty fast, but if I take the time to look around, I realize happiness is already here.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Life moves pretty fast. If you don\u2019t look around once in a while, you could miss it.\u2014Ferris Bueller There’s so much going on. My kids are growing up so fast, and I\u2019m desperately trying to keep up with the whirlwind of changes in the world, especially with AI. Like many people, I feel this constant […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10242","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-meditation"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p8wCkz-2Fc","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1279,"url":"https:\/\/schlaff.com\/wp\/the-happiness-class-yales-most-popular-offering\/","url_meta":{"origin":10242,"position":0},"title":"How to be Happy — Yale’s Most Popular Class","author":"Robert Schlaff","date":"July 27, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"This year Professor Laurie Santos created\u00a0Yale's most popular class of all time. The class is titled Psychology and the Good Life but it's really a course on how to be happy both in the short and long term. I was excited to hear that Yale was offering the course but\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ideas"","block_context":{"text":"Ideas","link":"https:\/\/schlaff.com\/wp\/category\/ideas\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":11193,"url":"https:\/\/schlaff.com\/wp\/happy-all-the-time\/","url_meta":{"origin":10242,"position":1},"title":"Happy All the Time?","author":"Robert Schlaff","date":"October 12, 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"One of my wife's favorite books from growing up was Happy All the Time by Laurie Colwin. 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