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April 1, 1999
Toddler Activists Demonstrate at Pre-School of the Americas
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By CALLIOPE NIXON
ORT BENNING, GA..-- Several thousand demonstrators between the ages of two and four were arrested today for trespassing on the grounds of the Pre-School of the Americas at Fort Benning. "Hey-Hey, Ho-Ho, the Pre-SOA has got to go!" chanted the tykes for almost a minute, before bursting into tears and being comforted by their mothers.
The US-run Pre-School of the Americas has long been notorious for training many of Latin America's most brutal toddlers. After decades of denials, the Pentagon admitted last year that the Pre-SOA has taught courses in pulling hair, biting, and giving everyone else in the class head lice. Older recruits were also trained in "I Know You Are, But What Am I?" techniques of psychological warfare. And many graduates have gone on to overthrow the duly-elected student governments of their elementary schools, replacing them with repressive military dictatorships run by sadistic crossing guards drunk on power.
However, Pentagon officials recently announced plans to clean up the Pre-SOA, including human rights classes that stress the need to share, say "please", and not poke people with the hard plastic dinosaur. But government officials dismiss calls to shut down the Pre-SOA, noting that some graduates of the School of the Americas for grown-ups, such as Manuel Noriega, did everything the US told them to for twenty years, and only disobeyed once. "Not good enough," says Frederick Brash, Principal-in-Chief of the Pre-SOA. "By getting them when they're two, we can utterly break them, and turn them into unquestioning tools of our imperial will. I mean, imbue them with the spirit of democracy."
For their part, current students at the Pre-SOA seem determined to continue the policies of the past. "During snacktime in my country, everyone gets one sugar cookie, no matter how much money they have," said a Guatemalan tot who asked not to be identified. "This is clearly Marxist, and must be annihilated." He delivered an expertly-aimed karate chop to the neck of a classmate, then burst into tears and was comforted by his mother.
Outside, his counterparts at the demonstration are just as determined to shutter the school once and for all. "Why does the US train foreign pre-schoolers how to maim and kill?" asks 2 year-old Jonathan "Jon-Jon" Rubin. "Furthermore, why can't I touch the stove? Why does Daddy leave the house every weekday? Why is the sky blue? Why did my box turtle die?"
These, and many other questions, remain to be answered.
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Copyright 1999 The Yale Record
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