New Years Thought 5781: God is My Coach

Hello Friends!

This year I’m starting a new tradition by sending out a New Year’s Thought. At the beginning of each New Year, I examine my relationship with Judaism and want to share my learning with my friends.

This year’s thought is inspired by Rabbi Harold Kushner’s book Nine Essential Things I’ve Learned About Life. This book is a compendium of Jewish Wisdom of the 85-year-old rabbi.⁽¹⁾I’ve been listening to Nine Essential Things I’ve Learned About Life on audiobook during the High Holy Days for the last few years.

Growing up, I didn’t understand how God could have an impact on my daily life. During the High Holy Days, we prayed to God to be inscribed in the Book of Life. But how could I reconcile God’s ability to choose who lives and who dies with the many horrible things in the world? Why wouldn’t God just fix them?

Rabbi Kushner teaches that God isn’t as much an omnipotent being as a coach who pushes us and gives us the strength to overcome obstacles. Take a look at Winslow Homer’s The Fog Warning. Traditionally we might look at the painting as a representation of God’s power over the seas. The fisherman, frightened of impending death, looks to the heavens asking God to stop the storm and return him to safety.

But Rabbi Kushner takes a different view of the painting. God doesn’t create the storm, nor can God stop it. God is the power that gives the fisherman the hope and fortitude to survive the storm. God gives the fisherman the power to do more than he ever thought.

Some people view going to religious services as a quid pro quo exchange with God. The more that they go to shul, the more God will protect them and make them successful. But when we think of God as a coach or mentor, that makes less sense. Praying to God won’t get him to change the score of the baseball game for you, but it will give you the strength to play better. Going to religious service isn’t about doing a favor for God, it’s a coaching session where you learn to be a better person. The time praying is a benefit unto itself as it makes us better people. ⁽²⁾On the topic of going to shul and whether God “appreciates” our efforts, Rabbi Kushner tells the story of Mendel the tailor, who goes to his rabbi with a problem. Mendel tells the rabbi, “I try to be the best tailor I can be. If a customer says to me, ‘Mendel, you’re a wonderful tailor; you’re the best,’ that makes me feel good. But if somebody came into my shop every day and told me, ‘Mendel, you’re a wonderful tailor,’ or if a hundred people crowded into my shop to tell me that, it would drive me crazy. I wouldn’t be able to get my work done. So my question is, does God really need to have every Jew in the world tell Him three times a day how wonderful He is? Doesn’t He sometimes find it tedious?”

The rabbi answers him, “Mendel, that’s a really good question. You have no idea how tedious it is for God to hear our praises all day, every day. But God understands how important it is for us to remind ourselves of all He does for us, so in His infinite kindness, He puts up with our incessant praying and accepts our praise.” Instead, we should think of it as a time for us to have a conversation with God about how we can be our best selves.⁽³⁾The idea of being our best selves reminds me of my article about Emotional Intelligence. It includes the idea of the meta-moment, where you take a step back and think about “What type of person do I want to be?”

But we don’t have to meet with God in a house of worship. As we learned as kids: God is Everywhere! If we view God as a strict judge who is angry with us for any intentional or unintentional transgressions, this can be a very scary world indeed. But if we view God as an overwhelming and awesome but fair and caring coach, things look different. With God around me all of the time, I’m continually reminded to be a better person. I can make the most mundane moments into sacred events filled with gratitude. So as I look forward to the new year, I look forward to a great and productive year with God as my coach.⁽⁴⁾If you’re looking for an example of a human coach that got the most from his team, Michael Lewis has a great story (as a short book and a podcast) about his high school baseball coach Billy Fitzgerald. Coach Fitz turned Lewis from the middling high school student into the man who would become one of our great American Writers. In fact, the current season of Lewis’s podcast Against the Rules is all about coaching.

Shana Tova and Have a Happy and Healthy Year!⁽⁵⁾Though we say “Have a Happy and Healthy New Year!” every year, those words are so much more important this year.

Rob